Thursday, April 30, 2009
So. Dang. Frustrated.
This is a segment of an actual e-mail I sent to my dad today with information taken out that could make the specific situation identifiable:
"I am having a big personal problem. I've always thought of myself as a nice person, but lately it's been hard to be nice. SO AND SO is driving me crazy. Everything HE/SHE says I literally want to punch HIM/HER in the face. Everything ends up being about SUCH AND SUCH A THING. I'm at the point where when I hear the word ????? come out of anyone's mouth, I get angry. For some reason, everything that comes out of HIS/HER mouth makes me want to choke a kitten."
Question: Does this make me a mean person? Any thoughts are welcome.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Invasion of Privacy
I hate seeing students outside of school. It's happened twice this week! Although it's the price I pay for living in the same town I work in, I still feel some divine right to recount the incidents here with a small amount of annoyance.
Incident #1: (Monday) I was wandering through Kohl's, minding my own business. I was doing a little summer clothes shopping with the usual items under my arm: short cloth shorts, a jean skirt, tank tops, etc. I've been working out, so I felt I deserved it. I was clearly on a shopper's high. Proudly, I walked to the register when out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face: John*, a student at the school I work. I don't directly work with him, but I'd recognize his short, thin frame and his scruffy head of hair anywhere. I quickly tried to hide the push-up bra that was on top as I waved, since he recognized me.
Incident #2: (Wednesday) I've been slightly lazy with working out the past few days. So all day today I psyched myself up for a good post-work run. I put one of my favorite t-shirts and a pair of recently purchased short cloth shorts. I started to run and I was really feeling good, the cool breeze brushing against my face and my ponytail lightly bouncing behind me. I was running my usual route when all of a sudden I saw another familiar face. It was Andrew*. And, just my luck, walking up to his house were Sam* and Mark*. All students I recognized and would recognize me if they were paying attention. They saw me in all my short shorts jiggly thighs glory. Sweet.
*All names of students changed to spare me more humiliation.
Incident #1: (Monday) I was wandering through Kohl's, minding my own business. I was doing a little summer clothes shopping with the usual items under my arm: short cloth shorts, a jean skirt, tank tops, etc. I've been working out, so I felt I deserved it. I was clearly on a shopper's high. Proudly, I walked to the register when out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face: John*, a student at the school I work. I don't directly work with him, but I'd recognize his short, thin frame and his scruffy head of hair anywhere. I quickly tried to hide the push-up bra that was on top as I waved, since he recognized me.
Incident #2: (Wednesday) I've been slightly lazy with working out the past few days. So all day today I psyched myself up for a good post-work run. I put one of my favorite t-shirts and a pair of recently purchased short cloth shorts. I started to run and I was really feeling good, the cool breeze brushing against my face and my ponytail lightly bouncing behind me. I was running my usual route when all of a sudden I saw another familiar face. It was Andrew*. And, just my luck, walking up to his house were Sam* and Mark*. All students I recognized and would recognize me if they were paying attention. They saw me in all my short shorts jiggly thighs glory. Sweet.
*All names of students changed to spare me more humiliation.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Hush your mouth.
I am so sick of whiners. Don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of whining. I whine that I'm not making enough money and about things I'm impatient for. But I can justify that. I don't work the kind of job where I can just get a raise all the time, and I can't fast forward time to change the circumstances.
What I get tired of is people who bitch about things they can change. "Oh my God, my relationship makes me so unhappy." "Oh my God, why am I failing college when all I do is get high and drink?" First of all, if you really wanted to bring God into this, I'm sure he'd say, "HELLO! YOU'RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE!" Second of all, what happened to personal responsibility? If all you do is cry about your shitty relationship, hello, dump him. Honestly, if you stay in the relationship, you kind of deserve it. Not that people deserve to be unhappy, but if they do nothing to change it, they kind of deserve the consequences. I can't stand when they're like, "But nobody else will love me wahhhhh." Of course they won't. Not with that attitude. Men and women alike are generally attracted to people that love themselves. If all you do is sit and have a fucking pity party for yourself, of course no one else will want you. Keep your standards high, and the treatment you get will be better,
Also, the reason I got a 3.6 all the way through college was because I actually tried and didn't party every night. FYI.
Not really directed to any one in specific. Just tired of people my age in general.
What I get tired of is people who bitch about things they can change. "Oh my God, my relationship makes me so unhappy." "Oh my God, why am I failing college when all I do is get high and drink?" First of all, if you really wanted to bring God into this, I'm sure he'd say, "HELLO! YOU'RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE!" Second of all, what happened to personal responsibility? If all you do is cry about your shitty relationship, hello, dump him. Honestly, if you stay in the relationship, you kind of deserve it. Not that people deserve to be unhappy, but if they do nothing to change it, they kind of deserve the consequences. I can't stand when they're like, "But nobody else will love me wahhhhh." Of course they won't. Not with that attitude. Men and women alike are generally attracted to people that love themselves. If all you do is sit and have a fucking pity party for yourself, of course no one else will want you. Keep your standards high, and the treatment you get will be better,
Also, the reason I got a 3.6 all the way through college was because I actually tried and didn't party every night. FYI.
Not really directed to any one in specific. Just tired of people my age in general.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Things I'm Sometimes Tempted to Maybe Consider Doing
Sometimes I want to not wake up and ditch work.
Sometimes I want to yell at people at work.
Sometimes I want to yell in general.
Sometimes I want to eat a bucket of ice cream.
Sometimes I wish I had the appetite.
Sometimes I wish I lived in another decade.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd appreciate it if I did.
Sometimes I wish I could make all of Ken's dreams come true.
Sometimes I wish I even knew how to make mine happen.
Sometimes I wish I made more money.
Sometimes I wish I'd majored in something else.
Sometimes I want to choke the lawyers on the Binder&Binder commercial.
Sometimes I want to toss the television out of the window.
Sometimes I wonder when I'll end up doing one of these things.
Sometimes I want to yell at people at work.
Sometimes I want to yell in general.
Sometimes I want to eat a bucket of ice cream.
Sometimes I wish I had the appetite.
Sometimes I wish I lived in another decade.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd appreciate it if I did.
Sometimes I wish I could make all of Ken's dreams come true.
Sometimes I wish I even knew how to make mine happen.
Sometimes I wish I made more money.
Sometimes I wish I'd majored in something else.
Sometimes I want to choke the lawyers on the Binder&Binder commercial.
Sometimes I want to toss the television out of the window.
Sometimes I wonder when I'll end up doing one of these things.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Say Goodbye to Personal Responsibility
The government decided to let 17-year-old girls get the morning after pill. That makes me sick. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against contraceptive methods. People need ways to control the population. It is reckless to have more kids than one can take care of. But to give teenaged girls a tool to end any possible pregnancy that might have occurred? How about we just throw personal responsibility out of the window?
Let's face it. Kids have sex. Whether you're a liberal or a conservative, a Christian, a Buddhist, or an atheist, that fact cannot be denied. Kids have sex before they're ready and put themselves in situations that are less than favorable. But giving them this option is like saying they don't have to be responsible for themselves. It tells them that they can just coast through life, making whatever kind of mistakes they want and not suffer the consequences for their actions. I think if a kid wants to have sex and they get pregnant, they have to deal with it. Don't have sex if you don't want to possibly have a kid. Condoms are one thing. They prevent a pregnancy from ever happening. The morning after pill is ended a pregnancy that's already taken place.
It makes me sick to think of the kind of power they are putting in the hands of young people who have no concept of what's best for them.
Let's face it. Kids have sex. Whether you're a liberal or a conservative, a Christian, a Buddhist, or an atheist, that fact cannot be denied. Kids have sex before they're ready and put themselves in situations that are less than favorable. But giving them this option is like saying they don't have to be responsible for themselves. It tells them that they can just coast through life, making whatever kind of mistakes they want and not suffer the consequences for their actions. I think if a kid wants to have sex and they get pregnant, they have to deal with it. Don't have sex if you don't want to possibly have a kid. Condoms are one thing. They prevent a pregnancy from ever happening. The morning after pill is ended a pregnancy that's already taken place.
It makes me sick to think of the kind of power they are putting in the hands of young people who have no concept of what's best for them.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Pretty Pretty Princess
I feel like planning a wedding is a dream. When I meet with people or talk about it, it feels as though I'm floating on some kind of transitory cumulus cloud that can break at any moment. I'm treading carefully through the thick atmosphere, trying not to stumble on anything. I'm afraid that if I do stumble, I'll wake up and it will all be over.
One thing you need to know about me is that I have had many dreams over the course of my 23 short years. I have, in relative chronological order wanted to be MacGyver's wife, a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a writer, a stay-at-home mom, a medical examiner, a bounty hunter, a CSI investigator, etc. The list goes on and on in varying levels of realism. As fickle as my mind has seemed, and still seems at times, only two dreams have had any sort of endurance: my dream of being a professional writer and my dream of getting married.
I've known I wanted to be a writer for almost 15 years. Honestly, it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment I knew I wanted to get married. It's one thing when you're growing up to want to be a bride. It's like the adult version of "Pretty Pretty Princess." But the moment when I realized I wanted to get married? I think I know. I think I know when it was. Not even my fiance knows this about me. I hope he reads this. I think the first time I realized I wanted to get married was the first time we ever spent time together, even before we were dating. It was the first time I'd ever felt completed by a man. The first time I'd ever felt understood by anyone of any gender. I just knew. I don't think I loved him yet. I don't believe in love at first sight, but in some crazy way, I knew that if I married him, my life would surpass any crazy career goal I could have ever had for myself. And it has.
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